No woman no cry

It wasn’t intentional that I happened to be writing this on the eve of Intl Women’s Day, in fact, it wasn’t remotely on my mind. Despite the fact that I would not be spending the evening this year with at least some of my close women friends as I’ve tried to do last few years. Hopefully I’ll remember to call them at least.

No, this actually came about while I was reflecting on the so many women centric books I have found myself reading last few weeks. Started with “The Colour Purple”, by Alice Walker – an immensely powerful albeit simply written book about a Black woman’s life in the South, and of the other Black women who come into her life. Then Meera Syal’s “Life isn’t all ha ha hee hee” came in about Indo-Brit women and their lives and marriage and juggling of expectations and lifestyles and conflicting mindsets. Joanne Harris’s “Chocolat” and “Five quarters of an orange” were deliciously absorbing with emotions woven into food, flavours and scents all with central female characters. “The Adultery Club” by Tess Stimson did bring an interesting and neutral perspective to understanding circumstances and thought processes of the age-old unwilling club formed by a wife, mistress and the adulterous husband. And most recently, finished this afternoon – “Sex and the City” by Candace Bushnell.

It is quite an array of female characters and times and circumstances. None of the women were portrayed in extreme dark or white shades, just every day normal women, we all come across every day. Some we may want to befriend, some we feel protective of, some we want to shake up and make them ‘smell the coffee’, some we may envy, some we may downright dislike, and worse some we may pity. I don’t think I could relate to even one woman character in a complete way or to any acquaintance of mine. But somehow they all felt so familiar. One wouldn’t even fathom the layers possible in a woman unless one took time to notice. The most unassuming can have a past of tremendous courage, most hard nosed can have the most vulnerable sides…or not. But as the years go by, I find myself ensuring I have a circle of female friends. It’s no rocket science, and nothing new – but the best friend a woman can have is another woman. Yeah men are not bad – in their own place!

But seriously, isn’t everybody noticing the increasing trend of women stepping out for all-girl evenings? The much sniggered about kitty parties are nothing but women getting together and drawing strength from each other. Where else can you just talk, exhibit different personas, really let down your hair and your inhibitions? Would you want to tell a guy, that you want to stay in a marriage that’s in name only because you’re scared your folks won’t give you space and immediately look around for another match? Would you tell a guy that you may be more ‘promiscuous’ because you’ve been sexually abused as a child? How many men can truly understand your worry over your career – most, unconsciously do believe a woman always has a fallback option – a man. Would they understand the terror you feel about having to decide on settling down – giving up a single life, compromise to some extent on your career prospects? Would you discuss with a man, nuances of your sex life which reflect (or you interpret as reflecting) the emotions you and your partner feel? Would you share with a guy the insane desire to be completely swept off your feet- that’s’ a childhood dream right, brought upon by reading one too many romances?! Can a guy understand how important chocolate in the house is for ‘emergencies’; why only 23 pairs of shoes are not enough; why you really want separate rooms even when happily married?! And the gem "you're like one of the guys" - only a guy can think of that as a compliment! You disagree or you agree with the above. But you do get my drift.

So here’s a toast to all the women in my life – my mother, my sister, my grandmas, my cousins, my aunts, my close friends, my not-so close friends, my colleagues, etc etc – more power to you!! And hope you always have a circle of women friends around you who care and respect you for you.