Found it...oh no...lost it again...

So many thoughts whirling around my mind all day, yet when it comes putting some of them down, I’m drawing a complete blank. How do people tweet or constantly update their status on facebook? And why?? Are we so starved of attention that we want everyone to know what we’re doing or thinking? Or is it that we feel compelled to be just heard all the time whenever we can?

Maybe it’s true, so many ways to be connected now that we hardly have the time to connect anymore. And I’m not just talking about connected with other people. I’ve recently started attending yoga classes at my gym. I’ve attended 3 in the last week. In each I realized how difficult it is to tap into my inner self. What the heck is my inner self? How do I recognize it if I tap into it? I concentrate so hard trying to focus that I wind up with all my facial muscles all scrunched up by the end of the session. Is it so difficult to be true to myself? Or maybe we just build up that whole self actualization thing out of proportion and its right under our noses all the time!

I’ve hit 30. And a month. On my birthday, while I ushered it in very uneventfully and quietly, I did feel a slight thrill of liberation. I’m writing it here so that every time I get plagued with insecurities I can recall that feeling. That feeling of having moved beyond the past. That feeling of not having to prove myself along the lines that I had thought I had to. I was already the individual I was meant to be. I didn’t have to define it for anybody. I could certainly improve upon it…a lot… but yeah I was there. It’s a good feeling. Maybe that’s the eureka moment I’m looking for during yoga workouts.

remembering

Just finished watching “Ghajini”. The intensity Aamit Khan brings into each of his roles gets to me every time.

I enjoy reading the Metro and the London Paper in the tube. Especially the articles where people get to comment or rather “express their views”. I’m rather impressed with the human capacity to crib. No, I’m not excluding myself from this category…unfortunately having a lifetime membership. In another 10-20 years, I aspire to be a constant on the show Grumpy Old Women, if it’s still on air. In a month or so, I could audition for Grumpy Middle Aged Women for sure!
Very rarely do I summon up my good friend’s philosophies of remembering special moments of the day, which brought happiness, or amusement. The other day however I was having one of those nostalgic phases. Maybe it was because I had booked my tickets for a holiday to go home and visit the folks. Or maybe it was reading Madhur Jaffrey’s book about her childhood that raked up those memories.
I remember vividly the scent and sight of sweetpeas growing up on the bamboo stick supports alongside our driveway. Spring in North India used to bring hoopoes, myenas, bulbuls and sparrows in the garden. Orange bar cartons in the freezer, the tiffin sharing/swapping during recess in school, ma always being there to welcome me back home after an exam, wrestling and playing with Cherie, our family holidays in the Himalayas and the lush greenery, the smell of wet mud while watering the lawn, the lazy winter mornings spent in the sunshine, rain storms and feeling the warm drops of the season’s first shower, the sound of sabziwalas and other vendors throughout the day, the sheer pleasure of stepping into an air-conditioned room after a hot dusty trip outdoors. Yep, life’s simple routine pleasures.
It may be a good idea to recall some good moments from within the last decade before Im too old and grey to!

Travelogue 2008

Reaching the end of yet another year. Yup eventful it has been.

Easter saw me go for my first solo holiday to Cornwall. Stayed 1.5miles away from the town of Tintagel – scenic walk in the day and extremely spooky the one time I walked it after nightfall. The journey to Tintagel was a long (unnecessarily in hindsight) one by train and some bus changes, which added to that whole spirit of adventure bit. Did a considerable amount of walking around, on cliff tops (which is what one is to do in Cornwall!!), saw the rocky slopes, visited the historic castle, lazed around reading a book and taking self pictures with the mobile phone. Warmed up to the idea of clambering over farm fences for hitchhiking to reach the fairy waterfall despite the thumping heart everytime I spotted cattle. And lots and lots of Cornish cream teas!
Yorkshire was the destination for another bank holiday weekend. Stayed in Pickering, saw the Pickering castle…which was quite a hoot. The moors weren’t exactly what I would have hoped, since there was none of the mysterious purple heather covered plains, but bright sunshine. Sigh. But the BnB was delightful with the self-help bar and so were the town and the steam train ride.
Home to Hyderabad in July. Not very relaxing considering the numerous trips to eye doctor, homeopathic doctors, tailor, etc etc, but its just so good to be home and just vegetate around the house and being part of the regular routine. A two day trip to delhi turned out the way I needed it to – meeting people, eating dilli chaat and khana.
Edinburgh came next with a very memorable train journey (both ways!) crouching on the floor with another 15 people due to overcrowding. Fried sausages and fried mars bars were delicious, no matter what the calorie count was. A place called Revolution served the most innovative vodka shot flavors – was tempted to go there for breakfast. Of course saw the castle here and the museum. Oh the scotch whiskey experience was insightful.
An official trip to Barcelona helped me get my visa in place in September! This time I ensured I went to the beach and spent a lot of time exploring quaint shops. Not that there was much business that came out of the trip.
Did the Sea2Sea08 as well in October – can’t say I completed it successfully as I skipped the second day! It was fun again, some of the old gang was there, the views were spectacular but the excruciating exertion was there again, and the lack of novelty didn’t help! Nope, Im not doing it again. Maybe some other wild sport instead next year.
The visa being issued from German embassy helped me decide my destination for the year’s European holiday. Credit crunch be damned! Cologne, Heidelberg and Munich was decided with great difficulty to spend the 9 days in. Sausages and beer. Struggle for the journey from the airport, wild hunt for the hotel, Chocolate museum, Dom, high street shopping in Cologne, and the pan fried potatoes. Heidelberg was simply such a lovely town- Walnut brandy locally produced, the views from the castle, the walking tour- rare old books, marks on the wall, Austrian food and an excellently located hotel. Scenic train journey to Konstanz, glimpses of the gorgeous Black Forest, revolving Lady Imperia, beautiful facades to the shops and houses in the town, melted bitter hot chocolate. Munich brought more interesting beer varieties, a lousy beer walking tour, Dachau concentration camp memorial, a lively Viktualikenmarkt with the yummy sausages, meat shops handing put free samples, the much required body warming spiked orange punch, finally some shopping and souvenirs, eye-popping valuables at the Residenz, Deutsches Museum, croissant breakfasts. A very satisfying holiday indeed.
I guess with all that’s happening around – my shifting to a new apartment, purse strings tightening, there wont be any more holidays this year. Though the thought of checking myself into a spa for xmas/new year is so tempting.

Never Again

Never again

I read that on a plaque at the Dachau concentration camp memorial site 2 weeks ago. That stuck in my mind.
I’ve been recalling that same phrase all morning while following the news on the war like situation in Mumbai. The endless discussions that ensue in office and with everyone else on the situation is getting on my nerves, especially since no one knows any better and it is just so easy to blame the government/security agencies/etc etc. I guess the real anger stems from the realization of how helpless we are in counteracting these terrorist attacks. I rage inwardly about not having any useful contribution to figure out how to systematically and constructively put an end to such attacks. Hence I don’t feel like even discussing the disturbing news with anyone. The least we can do as ordinary citizens is be vigilant. And this time stay away from the blame game. Pray that this ends soon.

Race for time!

We seem to be rushing into everything too early. Even mid life crisis! That’s a depressing thought considering life expectancies are increasing. Which means that we shall have multiple mid life crises? Ugh! Part of the reason could be that so much of what used to be bracketed into black or white is merging into an ugly shade of grey. You see things, hear things, and do things and finally rationalization makes everything wryly acceptable or tolerable. You are supposed to become clearer about what you want out of life as the years go past. Not happening. Is it just me?

2007:Travelog

Another year…no ode this time for 2007.

The year brought plenty of opportunities to travel some of which I fortunately siezed with both hands!
Norway, ostensibly to see the Northern Lights but managed to spend most of our time en route – saw a bit of each Oslo and Bergen there. Luckily it was a gloriously pristine countryside with all its frozen fjords. So much snow everywhere! Expensive trip but a learning on how to plan travel schedules better.
Got a brief idea on what student life can be in campuses of Oxford and Cambridge. They definitely are a league apart!
Paris was an idyllic trip during Easter. Spent a leisurely 5 days there catching the sights and spending afternoons at roadside café sipping kir. Unfortunately my stupid camera let me down. So much for my plans to become an intrepid adventurer and travel the world with my camera!

Summer literally is a breath of fresh air in England. I never believed it when people told me I was moving to UK at the wrong time when I did in November 2006. But I only understood when I saw the vivid colors and vibrancy in the country during the few summer months.
Cycling around Salisbury was pleasant – it makes for a relaxing weekend destination. They’ve kept the surroundings of Stonehenge as far as possible conducive to the entire mystery of the place. Brings amateur Astronomy to life. Bathspa was nice as well. Typical English countryside with some history and plumbing lessons!

October saw a very challenging, gruelling and at the same time an exhilarating ride from the East coast to the west coast of Northern England – 135 miles on a cycle (Whitehaven to Sunderland). Have a new found respect for painkillers. Something to be said about being with the elements – rain and wind on your face, sound of the wheels on the road and leaves in the trees, smell of pure clean air bursting with health and nothing else around for miles. The sound of my panting and wheezing did break the peace many a times but the rides downhill at speeds of almost 40mph made it all worthwhile. A fun loving group with amazing fitness levels made sure of that!

Sri Lanka in December was a surprisingly wonderful place. Maybe we went expecting an extension of India and therefore not much (!) but the airport with its clean shiny floors and polite uniformed staff set the tone for the rest of the trip. A beautiful country with friendly people. Somehow felt more civilised, sad to say. Guess we shouldn’t compare and crib! And well, holidaying with parents feels comforting.

Now I feel like Doogie Howser MD, pausing to think of a suitably profound ending to a post. Can’t think of any except “I am therefore I need to travel”

This n that

If I were a rich girl….I would do something zany like the guy in Hyderabad, who got a house built with a roof made of beer bottles. Looks really neat, and no prizes for guessing what it’s named. Cheers. Guess I wouldn’t even mind if the contractors would keep coming back with extra supply requirements as well ;-D

I read somewhere they’re planning to phase out “killer” Blue line buses in Delhi. If I remember they had removed the “Killer” Red line buses some years ago and introduced the blue ones. Can somebody tell them it’s the idiots behind the wheel that’s the problem and not the colour of the bus??? But then if there is a poll being taken for color preferences of new buses I want the next ones in shades of turquoise, jade green and mauve…in checks. And once those are phased out, shades of a flame – reds, oranges and yellows – in diagonal stripes. Ooh and then we can bring in a whole series in animal prints – camouflage! People wouldn’t know what ‘hit ‘em’! And for a sales pitch we can say they are a memento of many species become extinct. Then we’ll never have to phase THEM out!

So much talk about carbon trading. Somehow we may never get the better of the power struggle. Industry is moving to developing nations and so are the pollution levels. Great- we can talk about the power equation changing and some of the third world countries becoming the powerhouses in the coming decades. How to ensure that doesn’t happen as effectively? Ergo…introduce carbon trading. Since polluting manufacturing facilities are no longer in the developed countries they sit on positive carbon points, while developing nations are on negative. They will then need to buy the carbon credits from the same countries which they thought they were advancing ahead of. Am I too pessimistic? Ok on the positive side maybe some bright Indians will make money out of this trading.

No woman no cry

It wasn’t intentional that I happened to be writing this on the eve of Intl Women’s Day, in fact, it wasn’t remotely on my mind. Despite the fact that I would not be spending the evening this year with at least some of my close women friends as I’ve tried to do last few years. Hopefully I’ll remember to call them at least.

No, this actually came about while I was reflecting on the so many women centric books I have found myself reading last few weeks. Started with “The Colour Purple”, by Alice Walker – an immensely powerful albeit simply written book about a Black woman’s life in the South, and of the other Black women who come into her life. Then Meera Syal’s “Life isn’t all ha ha hee hee” came in about Indo-Brit women and their lives and marriage and juggling of expectations and lifestyles and conflicting mindsets. Joanne Harris’s “Chocolat” and “Five quarters of an orange” were deliciously absorbing with emotions woven into food, flavours and scents all with central female characters. “The Adultery Club” by Tess Stimson did bring an interesting and neutral perspective to understanding circumstances and thought processes of the age-old unwilling club formed by a wife, mistress and the adulterous husband. And most recently, finished this afternoon – “Sex and the City” by Candace Bushnell.

It is quite an array of female characters and times and circumstances. None of the women were portrayed in extreme dark or white shades, just every day normal women, we all come across every day. Some we may want to befriend, some we feel protective of, some we want to shake up and make them ‘smell the coffee’, some we may envy, some we may downright dislike, and worse some we may pity. I don’t think I could relate to even one woman character in a complete way or to any acquaintance of mine. But somehow they all felt so familiar. One wouldn’t even fathom the layers possible in a woman unless one took time to notice. The most unassuming can have a past of tremendous courage, most hard nosed can have the most vulnerable sides…or not. But as the years go by, I find myself ensuring I have a circle of female friends. It’s no rocket science, and nothing new – but the best friend a woman can have is another woman. Yeah men are not bad – in their own place!

But seriously, isn’t everybody noticing the increasing trend of women stepping out for all-girl evenings? The much sniggered about kitty parties are nothing but women getting together and drawing strength from each other. Where else can you just talk, exhibit different personas, really let down your hair and your inhibitions? Would you want to tell a guy, that you want to stay in a marriage that’s in name only because you’re scared your folks won’t give you space and immediately look around for another match? Would you tell a guy that you may be more ‘promiscuous’ because you’ve been sexually abused as a child? How many men can truly understand your worry over your career – most, unconsciously do believe a woman always has a fallback option – a man. Would they understand the terror you feel about having to decide on settling down – giving up a single life, compromise to some extent on your career prospects? Would you discuss with a man, nuances of your sex life which reflect (or you interpret as reflecting) the emotions you and your partner feel? Would you share with a guy the insane desire to be completely swept off your feet- that’s’ a childhood dream right, brought upon by reading one too many romances?! Can a guy understand how important chocolate in the house is for ‘emergencies’; why only 23 pairs of shoes are not enough; why you really want separate rooms even when happily married?! And the gem "you're like one of the guys" - only a guy can think of that as a compliment! You disagree or you agree with the above. But you do get my drift.

So here’s a toast to all the women in my life – my mother, my sister, my grandmas, my cousins, my aunts, my close friends, my not-so close friends, my colleagues, etc etc – more power to you!! And hope you always have a circle of women friends around you who care and respect you for you.