Adulthood is complicated....

We all say that it was all so simple when we were children. Was it? Really? I’m sure we had our challenges then. Trying to walk, learning to aim food correctly into our mouths, giving the answer to “what is your name?” to every adult guest. I wish I could recapture that actual feeling of learning something new everyday. Is it that as we grow older we stop learning new things? Or do we just stop noticing them? Or are the new things not interesting enough to even register that we learnt them?! Every day is a new day, new things happen to us everyday – how come it’s just not enough? Very few of us actually are content with where we are, what we are doing and most importantly who we are.

Or just maybe, it’s the problem of too much choice. The consciousness that every single thing we do or say has an impact – small or large. Now I know the limits I imagine upon myself are self imposed. It’s my choice to stay within them or test them. I somehow can’t see myself testing them ALL the time! If that were so, I’d live in a tent in the park one night, ride a horse in Mongolia another day, sing in a rock band the third, spend the fourth en route to Jupiter…you know where this is going. It’s not just my limits now is it?!

I have the choice to live alone, I have the choice to not work where I do, I have the choice to take care of my family, I have the choice to trust somebody, I have the choice to make friends, I choose to cross the road at that particular junction…it goes on and on and on. It’s bloody overwhelming! It’s not as if you are making a choice about important things, its every teensy weensy thing. Yes most of it becomes a routine, so I don’t consciously make a choice anymore. But WHY? Who decided that life should be about growing up, working having a family and then dying? To what end? I’m doing some of this list of things ‘to do’ and I don’t have the remotest feeling that “yes, this is why I am here” or “I’m fulfilling a purpose”. In fact, quite the contrary. Whole purpose of the bloomin’ blogpost!

So what is all this leading to? Afterlife? And all this again? I’m sure as a cockroach or as a chimpanzee I would have similar issues to deal with, no matter what life form I come back as. Finally it’s just me. I’m probably over-thinking this….but AM I? If I am put here to fulfil some purpose would it be simpler to tell me so I can set about doing it already?? Oh no, this may be a test. I’m supposed to embark on a journey in self discovery. Bah! Somehow I don’t think sitting under a tree to figure this all out would really do it.

I know each person is different and thinks differently. Isn’t that strange? If you take a few steps back and ponder - we are all talking to each other without either of us even on one occasion understanding what the other is really saying in exactly the same context. Because everyone’s frame of reference is dependent on THEM! What an exercise in futility! So basically everything you thought had happened really happened differently in someone else’s mind. WOW! So no one has a clue? We are all running in parallel universes without even realizing it! The mind boggles! It would be fun if we could actually figure out how to intersect these parallel universes every once in a while!

So…in the end? It’s still you making all the choices and the decisions that finally affect guess who? Yes, only YOU! This is all nuts. It can’t be all about the journey! Or can it?